Jenish VaghaniMs. DeSantisEnglish 11 CP19 January 2018Mother daughter relationships in the The Joy Luck Club Mother daughter relationships are very important, yet complicated. A mother plays a very important role in a daughter’s life. Mothers and daughters share a very special bond that only they can understand. A daughter can be a mirror for her mother. Mother-daughter relationships have many phases. Amy Tan, a famous Asian author, explores many aspects of a mother daughter relationship in her novel, The Joy Luck Club. The mother plays a very important role in a daughter’s life. A daughter can share a secret with a mother; they can really understand each other more than anyone else. Therefore, one should not come in between a mother and her daughter, because they protect each other. “Mothers and daughters rated the other person as amongst the top six most important people in their life. Yet, mothers appeared to give greater positive emotional value to their daughters than daughters did to mothers” (Fingerman 602). No one can compare the love between mother and daughter. A mother’s love and care is always greater than of her daughter. ADD TRANSITIONS, The formation of mother-daughter relationships is strengthened by the special bond they share. A mother can see herself in her daughter and in everything she does. Every mother wants her daughter to be happy and safe and every daughter wants to make her mom happy and proud. “Mother-daughter bonds tend to be the strongest and most enduring of filial connections” (Fingerman 591). Mother and daughter share the strongest bond in the family. “One cultural element most daughters deemed ‘good’ was their bond with their mothers. The daughters’ autobiographies and recorded histories reveal a strong, consistent theme of respect for their mothers, expressed in a depth beyond the platitudes any adherence to literacy convention would command” (Bannan 14). Mother and Daughter share a strong bond and have respect for each other. A mother and a daughter might have many conflicts in their relationship but their bond always stays stronger. A mother and daughter might have cultural differences which creates problem between them. “Although the ties between female generations became more tangled with the strains of acculturation, the bonds were stretched but not severed. A sense of loyalty to their mothers and the cultures they represented remained strong” (Bannan 4). The ties between female generation (mother and daughter) became more complicated with the cultural differences. They had problems but did not break the relation. Their love and care for each other remained strong. The connection between mother and daughter is so strong that even if you create conflict between them it will not break. “My mother took her flesh and put it in the soup. She cooked magic in the ancient tradition to try to cure her mother this one last time… Even though I was young, I could see the pain of the flesh and the worth of the pain. This is how a daughter honors her mother… You must peel off your skin, and that of your mother, and her mother before her. Until there is nothing. No scar, no skin, no flesh” (Tan 48). It is a tradition based on Chinese superstition that has been ingrained in Marjane’s mind since she was a child. It was meant to show great respect and devotion to your elders by carrying on their beliefs. Her connection to her mother was strong enough to honor her and be with her even though she did not agree with her personal values. Even though Popo kicked her out and forbade her from ever coming home, the love that An-mei’s mother bore for her mother was really intense and unbreakable. “My mother did not treat me this way because she didn’t love me. She would say this biting back her tongue, so she wouldn’t wish for something that was no longer hers” (Tan 51). Even when Lindo belongs to another family and her mother can no longer express her love in the same way, the strong connection between them is not broken. No matter what the relation between them is not broken. Despite their conflicts, mother-daughter relations have emotional problems. “Given that mothers are important providers of emotional and instrumental support as their daughters become mothers in middle to late adolescence” (Updegraff et al. 74). Mothers teaching their daughters helping daughters with their emotional problems helps them to have trust for their mothers and build a better relationship. It is also a way for the mother to teach daughter how to be a mother when a daughter has a child. One of the conflicts between mother and daughter is the cultural difference. The novel The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, talks about the Chinese culture difference between the mother and daughter. In Chinese culture, mothers try to keep their daughters close to them and instill a sense of duty to stay with the mother. While daughters, who grew up in America, wants to have fun with their life and stay away from their helicopter moms. “‘This feather may look worthless, but it comes from afar and carries with it all my good intentions.’ And she waited, year after year, for the day she could tell her daughter this in perfect American English.” (Tan 17). There is a gap between mother and daughter. In order to get a daughter to understand all of a mother’s love and intentions, the mother needs to wait and communicate in a daughter’s language. When we look at the relationship between mother and daughter it could be difficult to understand, but we know for sure that the mother always sacrifices things to her daughter. “We anticipated that conflict-adjustment linkages may be stronger for pregnant adolescents compared to non-pregnant adolescents, as daughters may rely on their mothers as primary sources of support during the transition with parenthood, and thus, the salience of conflict for their adjustment may be stronger” (Updegraff et al. 62). As the daughter asks the mother for help it makes the relationship stronger because the mother is taking time out for the daughter. A mother’s attachment begins with daughter at the time when she is born. “The mother-child relationship is a process of attachment that begins at birth and is usually in place by one year of age” (Frick-Horbury 1). A mother and a child’s relationship begins at the moment the child is born. When a child is born, mother knows when the child is hungry. “Motherhood is a source as holy as breast milk: ‘My creativity comes in a direct flow from my mother'” (Snodgrass 1). The connection between mother and child starts from the day the child is born. A child’s creativity comes from the mother. It does not matter if a daughter works and stays away from the mother or does not work and stays with mother all the times. “The amount of contact and assistance that the employed daughters provided was not significantly less than that provided by the daughters who were not employed” (E. Scharlach 7). Working daughters are more likely to care for their mother. It is because working daughters are less likely to spend time with their mothers, which makes them to be curious to talk to their mothers and be more supportive. While, non-working daughter are more likely to spend time with their mothers which makes them bored from their mothers. Mother is the true friend of a daughter. Mother-daughter relationship is unique. “Mrs. Moreno laughed under her breath, turned the TV and lights off, and tiptoed to bed. Yollie woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t know where she was. For a moment she thought she was dead. Maybe something from the underworld had lifted her from her house and carried her into the earth’s belly. She blinked her sleepy eyes, looked around at the darkness, and called, ‘Mom? Mom, where are you?’ But there was no answer, just the throbbing hum of the refrigerator. But Yollie wasn’t laughing. She tiptoed into her mother’s bedroom with a glass of water and set it on the nightstand next to the alarm clock. The next morning, Yollie woke to screams. When her mother reached to turn off the alarm, she had overturned the glass of water. Yollie burned her mother’s morning toast and gloated. 4 ‘Ha! Ha! I got you back. Why did you leave me on the couch when I told you to wake me up?'” (Soto 20-22).Mother and daughters relations are more like as of best friends than mothers and daughters official relationship. They play around with each other. They do pranks on each other. Mother and daughters relationship are unique in itself. Mother can be everything to a daughter. A mother can be a teacher, friend, one of the best source of guide, and of course a mom. “A paradox solaces the speaker with reward: “so whatever we may lose, the very craving gines it back to us again. Though we dream and hardly know it, longing, like an angel, foster us, smooths our hair, and brings us wild strawberries” (Snodgrass 2). A mother teaches daughter everything. She teaches how to do a one’s hair. A mother makes the daughter feel like a angel. “At an early age, girls began to learn the skills that would be required of them as women, and gradually “a daughter should be able to take over the work and let her mother sit down to baskets”,” (Bannan 6). Mother teaches daughter all the skills that would require them to become women. A daughter should be able to do all the work that a mother does and let her mother rest.A mother will do anything possible to make a daughter feel protective. “Daughter’s decision to work full-time may reflect values regarding women’s roles that differ from their mothers values, and may therefore be only one manifestation of difficulties on the mother-daughter relationships” (E. Scharlach 10). Sometimes there are conflicts in relationships between mother and daughters just because a daughter wants to work and fulfill a dream but a mother is trying to be protective. This situation creates conflict between their relationships.A mother might have problem with daughter so she can help with a daughters problems. “The possibility that the connections between mother-adolescent conflict and mothers’ and daughters’ adjustment may be stronger as a function of family context” (Updegraff et al. 75). Daughters going through conflict with their mothers helps the relationship to become stronger. Also it helps the mother to connect to the daughter more, after that the mother will be able to help her daughter with other problems because she could now connect with her daughter.The mother is basically the eye where the daughter uses it to sees with. As it was said before, that it’s different than any relationship, it’s unique and hard to understand. On the other hand, it’s very beautiful relationship, just imagine having a daughter. You will really care about her, she will be your whole life. This was proved by the other paragraphs, the mother is the daughter’s guide. Where she gives her advice, help her when she needs help, basically helping her through tough times. The mother’s role is very important, she isn’t only a mother, she’s a friend where you can trust her with everything. “A mother is best. A mother knows what is inside you,” she said above the singing voices. ‘A psyche-atricks will only make you hulihudu, make you see heimongmong'” (Tan 188). An-mei firmly believes that mothers are able to understand their daughters better than fancy psychiatrists.Living life without a mother isn’t easy, you have to know how your mother affects your life. When you think about it from the beginning, she was the one who gave you birth. She was the one who helped you grow up, and understand more. She is the one who cares about you no matter what happened. If you think that life will be easy without a mother, then you are wrong. When you think about it, you could see clearly that it isn’t easy. You could have a hard time with your mom, but you should always know that she cares and understands. A mother and a daughter relationship could be tougher than a relationship between a mother and a son. Since the mother got through a lot when she was a girl, she has more experience. So, she gets scared about her, and I don’t think that the life without a mother could be even possible.
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