Let can I say? I can’t recommend that either,

Let me just start by saying
that I do not consider
this book in any way a literary effort but rather as a writing exercise. It may also subject the reader to writings, images,
sounds, opinions, facts, ideas and other sensory and emotional and mental
stimulations and simulations of a controversial nature, so overly sensitive
leftist and rightist persons are strongly advised to put down this book
immediately. This book isn’t for everyone. Slack is a prerequisite. Fnord. Nothing
in this book is true and should not be taken seriously under any circumstances whatsoever nor should
anything within
be construed as encouraging anyone to do anything harmful, illegal, or that
isn’t fun. It also has no good
guys or bad guys. Or, rather, the good guys might be the bad guys or the bad
guys might be the good guys. If written correctly, then there are no shades of
grey but it does change your perspective enough times during the course of the
story that you might begin to question your own judgment. This might or might
not be a good thing. I’ll let you decide. The people and events depicted in
this book are fictitious. Please don’t go looking for any of them. They don’t
exist, and chances are most of them wouldn’t
like you anyways; in fact, some of them don’t even like me. Feel free to also read the book in however way you wish, as
each chapter
in each volume is its own self-contained story and is best
enjoyed with a Waqqaberry smoothie. Believe nothing you hear and only half what
you see, and should a
portion break, put it back together with KrazyGlue. Fnord. The following stories
contain adult language, skateboarding, and explicit sexual content. Reading is
therefore not recommended for children under the age of eighteen, Galapagos
tortoises under the age of twenty, or seeing eye dogs under the age of one. If
your child under the age of eighteen dresses as a seeing eye dog over the age
of one in order to read this story, then what can I say? I can’t recommend that
either, though I’d get out a bag of Beggin’ Strips and see how far they were
willing to push it. Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Fnord and like that.This
book highlights not only the terrible reality of a nuclear conflict
(cliché, sure, but you can’t deny a muse—they’ll get cranky and you wouldn’t
like them when they get cranky) but it also illustrates just how quickly these things can
happen and how utterly unprepared we all are for such a scenario according to
the Office of Orbital Phenomena Surveillance, or OOPS. Yes, that’s right. It’s
called OOPS, and no, that’s not a joke. It’s absolutely serious. Listen, I’m
just an ordinary phantasm and I’m not here. Heck, I’m not even writing this.
Your best bet is to send thirty five dollars to the Church of the Subgenius. Our
very future as a species lies in the decisions of all these damn dirty
unelected powerbrokers who have our lives, and those of our families, in their
hands. The reader is thus encouraged to reflect on the
enormity of certain risks inherent in today’s foreign policies, the fragility
of our present society and the power that our officials hold over the lives of
hundreds of millions of people globally. Fnord. All names, characters, places
and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously. They are solely intended to give this story a sense of
authenticity and feeling.Their resemblance, if any, to real-life counterparts
is entirely coincidental. Anyone attempting to find a motive in this narrative
will be prosecuted, anyone attempting to find a moral in it will be exiled, and
anyone attempting to find a plot in it will be executed. The views expressed by
any and all characters are not
necessarily those of the author or of any rational person, but are simply meant
to entertain you—my greatest dream as a writer is to give you an experience you
will remember long after you close this book. If you have just one moment when
you say, “Oh wow!” or “Holy crap!” or even have a good
“Oh yuch!”, then I’ve done my job. I wanted this book to be just like
an old time county fair, loud, colorful, comfortable, and fun, so buy a ticket
and climb on for the ride. Sure, you may get dizzy, the seats may be sticky and
you may laugh or cry or even wonder what the hell kind of drugs I was on when I wrote this, but I
think you’ll want to come back for more. Just remember when reading that the
stupider something in it looks, the more important it probably is. There are
various open source characters used throughout this book, and they are
avaliable for use by anyone with only one condition, that this paragraph must
be included in any publication involving them in order that others may use these
properties as they wish. All rights reversed, and Primus sucks! Dear reader, just
let me tell you that I think you’re as beautiful as you are because you are the only you
there has ever been, currently is, and will ever be. If you don’t realize it,
you’re important to me even if I don’t know you. I wouldn’t mind getting to
know you, so feel free to hit me up. We could become great friends.  Oh, just so you know, I don’t have issues if
you and I fall on opposite sides of the political spectrum. I love writing for
all people; well, all except that guy standing behind you. Yeah, him. I don’t
know why, but I don’t like him. Well, I’m done here. I’ll let you get to reading now. Fnord. This
book may just change your life. Then again, maybe not. Whatever the case may be,
consult your pineal gland first. Lastly, if you want to submit any questions,
concerns or death threats, remember to tell me who, what, where, when, why and
how (who’s doing it and who’s it for; what is it; where was it or will it be;
when did it happen or will happen; why is it happening; and how is it
happening). In conclusion, I humbly beg you to read courteously
this book and judge it kindly. Thank you for your time. Fnord.